Monday, September 30, 2013

Due Date

It has been a week since Nora's due date. 

The anticipation of the day was worse than the day itself.  I didn't except to be pregnant on this day but I was expecting to be holding this precious baby in my arms.
I look at her hand and foot print and see all the ways the Lord knit her together so wonderfully, so intricately.
 She was so beautiful. 

I've had to and am still grieving so many things I wished for and looked forward to with Nora. 
I grieve because she's not here on earth with me.
I grieve because I don't get to hold her everyday.
I grieve over the sleep that's not lost in our house these days.
I grieve over my car only having one car seat in the back.
I grieve not being able to put bows in her hair and dress her in pink. 
I grieve for Cole as he doesn't get a chance to be her big brother.
I grieve the fall that we expected to have and hate the one that we are having now because this fall hurts. 

This is a painful season.  The most painful season of my life.
God is still God even in my pain and suffering. 

These words from the Desert Song ring true in my heart.

All of my life 
in every season
You are still God 
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Nora is in heaven and that is my reason to worship.  
 My new friend Lauren and I like to say that our babies are playing together in Heaven.
I bet she likes it there.  I'm sure of it.  I eagerly wait for the time when Jesus will come take us there. 
Until then... I'm learning to live in my new season.  

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Sprint for the Prints

Last Saturday our family participated in the Sprint for the Prints 5K Race downtown Knoxville.

This was the first annual 5k to support the Precious Prints Project that gave us this sweet charm of Nora's thumbprint:  It's her thumbprint on one side and initials on the other.  I wear this charm everyday.  

Here is a news story about the project.

 My sweet friend and co-worker, Corinne, found a flyer for it in Starbucks and told me she was running this race in memory of Nora.  Such a sweet thing to do.  We wanted to support it as well so Ray ran and I played with Cole and watched the run ;)  duh, i'm not a runner ;)

Here is Nora's team!

Cole had a blast crossing the finish line!  He ran in with Ray and then ran in again with Grandma!

I was able to talk to the woman who started this project as well as one of the students who is very involved in keeping it in place at Children's hospital.  I was able to thank them and tell them how much I love having this special charm as a keepsake and how much they are blessing families who are grieving.

It was a beautiful, sweet morning to be able to remember and honor Nora together as a family. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

A Letter to Nora

Ray and i wrote these letters to Nora after she died.  They were read at her memorial service.  


Dear Nora,

This is not a letter I ever wanted to write.  I had plans for you to be in my arms and to rock you to sleep.  I had plans to dress you in pink and put bows in your hair, to play with baby dolls and have tea parties.  But the Lord says that His ways are higher than our ways. 

 Nora, we chose your name because we think it’s beautiful.  Your name means “light”.  As I read back through my journal over the last few months I have been praying different things for you.  I have prayed for your life to be a light to the Lord, even though your life was too short I know the Lord was using it for His glory.  I prayed that I would trust God with your life – that is what I have had to do this week.  I also prayed that He would hold you in His hands as He grows you and, sweet girl, that is what He is doing now.  You are being held by your creator and you will be there for eternity.  One glorious day we will be with you.  Oh what a wonderful reunion that will be.  

Precious Nora, You are a blessing.  The gift of a child is always a blessing and as I carried you for the last 7 months I was reminded continuously what a blessing you were from the Lord.  You will always be a blessing to me as the Lord used you write my story. 

I will always miss you and look forward to being with you one day. 


Your momma

Dear Nora,

I love you so much. I love you so much, and miss you so much. Your mom and I are hurting because of how much we miss you, and the plans we had for you; but we also have peace, and even rejoice, because you are worshiping in the overwhelming presence of our Lord. You will not experience the sting of sin. You will not experience pain, or fear, or loneliness. You will never have to experience the pain your mom and I feel now. You will now forever and constantly worship our living God who is sitting on His Throne.

Nora, I am hurting because I was so excited about being your dad. I had plans to sing with you and play with you; to buy you dresses and flowers; take you on dates; and spoil you as much as I could. I wanted to try and model someone that you could look for in a husband one day. I was so excited about walking you down the aisle and dancing with you at your wedding. It breaks my heart that I won’t get to do these things with you. 

But I did get to sing to you, if only for a short time. I did get to dance with you, if only once. I praise God for every minute your mom and I got to spend with you. We are so grateful to be your parents; and as we heal, we look forward to seeing you again, when we can join you in worship of our Lord Jesus forever. You and I were both made for heaven, not this earth; you just got to go home sooner. And when we see you again, we will get to spend so much more time with you in heaven than we will on this earth without you. 

I love you and miss you so much.


Your Dad

Friday, September 6, 2013

First day of 2k

Today was Cole's First day of 2 year old preschool. He is going to the same school and has the same teacher that he had all last year and this past summer So it really just feels more like a continuation and is good consistency for him.  However I still took the token 1st day pics of my big boy. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

the beach

We spent the holiday weekend at Hilton Head island with Ray's parents.  It was nice to have a change of scenery and a relaxing few days in the sun. How do we get through an 8 hour car ride with a toddler?

 Cole had a great time playing in the sand and eventually made his way into the waves. He also loves the pool right now.  

For some reason I thought that a change of scenery would make me less sad.  It didn't.  Sunday would have marked 37 weeks for our pregnancy.  A day we were looking towards and hoping for.  It was a hard day.  

 But we do not lose heart.  God is working in our sadness.  We are trusting him to carry us through.  We are trusting him to bind up our wombs and renew us day by day. 

We enjoyed our time together but as Ray mentioned this weekend, no matter where we go we're missing our 4th member. 

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18