Due Date

It has been a week since Nora's due date. 

The anticipation of the day was worse than the day itself.  I didn't except to be pregnant on this day but I was expecting to be holding this precious baby in my arms.
I look at her hand and foot print and see all the ways the Lord knit her together so wonderfully, so intricately.
 She was so beautiful. 

I've had to and am still grieving so many things I wished for and looked forward to with Nora. 
I grieve because she's not here on earth with me.
I grieve because I don't get to hold her everyday.
I grieve over the sleep that's not lost in our house these days.
I grieve over my car only having one car seat in the back.
I grieve not being able to put bows in her hair and dress her in pink. 
I grieve for Cole as he doesn't get a chance to be her big brother.
I grieve the fall that we expected to have and hate the one that we are having now because this fall hurts. 

This is a painful season.  The most painful season of my life.
God is still God even in my pain and suffering. 

These words from the Desert Song ring true in my heart.

All of my life 
in every season

You are still God 

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

Nora is in heaven and that is my reason to worship.  
 My new friend Lauren and I like to say that our babies are playing together in Heaven.
I bet she likes it there.  I'm sure of it.  I eagerly wait for the time when Jesus will come take us there. 
Until then... I'm learning to live in my new season.