On Grief

Before Nora I knew nothing of deep grief.  I had never experienced any life altering loss before now.  I didn't know how to grieve or what it looked like.  After 3 1/2 months I've learned a few things about grief.  Here are some thoughts on the topic:

Grief takes time.

I have found myself really wanting to "hurry up" this grief process.  Man, if I can just hurry up and do all these steps I'll feel better and can move on with my life.  It doesn't work that way.  I'm learning that.  It is a process that takes time.  You have to give it time.  You have to take the time to heal.  

Grief is messy.

It doesn't look like the defined 5 or 7 or 11 steps of grieving that you read about.  I really wanted it to be that way.  I wanted to have a schedule or process to stick to.  You will be in denial for 3 weeks.  You will be angry for 2 weeks.  etc.  I wanted to be given the steps and the process and the time table for making it to the other side of grief.  It didn't work that way for me.  I have experienced all of the steps of grieving but they come and go day by day, minute by minute.  I can feel acceptance, sadness, anger all at one time. I can feel Ok one day and knocked down in grief the next.  

Grief comes in waves.

The healing process isn't a steady stream uphill to the peak of healing.  It is up and then back down some.  Then up again and back down etc.   Some days are good days but then one day I can get knocked down again. That just seems to be how it works.  It's like the ocean.  Waves come and go.  The knock you down and you learn how to move through them.  Sometimes you can see them coming.  Sometimes you can't. 

Grief is different for everyone.

No one can tell you how your grief process will be, how long it will take, or what it will look like for you.  It is different for everyone even if you've suffered a similar loss.


I'm sure I have much more to learn and live through when it comes to grief.   I know I will grieve this loss for the rest of my life.  But I also have hope and grace that will get me through it.