It's been 6 months since this beautiful girl graced us with her presence for a few hours on this earth.
It feels like a thousand years ago. It feels like yesterday.
It hurts. It's painful. It's sad. It's beautiful.
It feels hard. It feels terrible. It feels normal.
I am full of grief. I am full of sorrow. I am full of peace. I am full of love.
I am angry. I am devastated. I am hopeful. I am grateful.
Time stands still and time moves on.
I feel so many things at any given time that it's so hard to describe the past 6 months.
I can move forward and backwards all at once. I want to hold on so tight to the past and move on to a hopeful future.
Life feels different. Life feels normal.
It's hard and messy and many, many times I think, why me?
But it's turning out to be somewhat lovely and painfully beautiful
because I continue to see Christ in all of it.
Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.