Thursday, August 29, 2013

happy football season

In honor of the first day of football season and the first gamecock football game! 

Friday, August 23, 2013

3 weeks.

I haven't written on my blog in about a year.  But so much has happened.  Really so much has happened in the last 3 weeks.  Or so much happened 3 weeks ago today. 

3 weeks ago today Ray and I were celebrating our 5 year anniversary.  He took me out to lunch (a big treat for a girl that had been on bed rest for 2 months).  We talked about our life and our family and what was to come...soon... a baby girl.  We were excited for our family to grow. 

3 weeks ago tonight we went to the hospital because I could not get Nora to move.  I had tried everything they say to do and I hadn't felt her since the afternoon.  At the hospital we heard her strong heart beat.  I was relieved.  I thought, my girl is ok.

3 weeks ago tonight the doctor could not get Nora to respond either despite all his tricks and did not like what he was seeing with every ultrasound and test they did. 

3 weeks ago in the middle of the night I had an emergency C-section.  I heard the doctor say, she is really pale and really anemic when he pulled her out. The doctors said she had lost a lot of blood and they couldn't figure out why. 

3 weeks ago my baby girl was in the NICU.  She was bigger than many babies in there that were thriving.  She was 4 lbs.  She was a 33 week preemie and supposed to be just fine.  But after several hours they just couldn't stabilize her.  They couldn't get blood into her fast enough.  Her oxygen levels were too low.  She had been bleeding inside of me.  Our blood was mixing in the womb when is wasn't supposed to.  It was a rare and undetectable problem. 

3 weeks ago the doctor looked in my eyes as my husband wept and said, It's time to let her go. I will wrap her up and you can hold her.  I said OK.

3 weeks ago was the first and last time I'll hold my sweet Nora on this earth. 

One day I will hold her again in Heaven.  

3 weeks ago my life was changed forever.  I have felt deep pains of grief that I have never felt before.  Pain that I never thought possible.  I have never felt truly, deeply, sadly heartbroken until now.  I have also never felt the presence of Jesus like I have in the last 3 weeks.  It's something I've never experienced before.  He was with me and is with me even in the deep dark pit of despair when my heart feels like it can't breathe.   He is with me in the moments when I feel OK. He is with me when I weep and he weeps with me. 

3 weeks ago my world was turned upside down but I know that God is bigger than this world. 

"Jesus said,  take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16